Your Marketing Isn’t Your Problem, Your Fear Of Being Seen Is

why marketing doesn't work


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For my soulpreneurs,

Are you struggling to attract clients? Are you taking bootcamp after masterclass to improve your marketing skills, but no matter what you try, it seems to be unsuccessful, and your efforts fizzle out after time? Have you tried many things, but you don’t seem to get “this marketing thing” right?

Yes? What about that: Your marketing is not the problem; your fear of unhealed trauma(s) is self-sabotaging your efforts [of being found and seen for what you do]. Let me explain:

I have noticed when working with individuals that it’s not as much that they don’t know about marketing or how to do it. Of course, there are organisational and technical challenges when starting a business and finding the right approach to draw in the people who are aligned with your offer. Yes, there are many advice, techniques, methods and coaches out there that promise you success, and it can be very overwhelming when you are new to business and marketing. But if you are determined, you’ll overcome these challenges easily, because how you feel towards these challenges is a mere manifestation of your internal fears, projected onto the challenges you face.

Now, what do I mean by that, you might be asking – let me explain. Our deepest desires are sacred and precious to us (aka your heart-based business you are trying to get off the ground). In this world that often doesn’t understand the sensitive nature of the soulpreneur, your dreams have probably been crushed more than once. By others, the world, society etc. in a rather insensitive way, because they don’t understand you. New concepts often don’t sit well with the conditioned mind. Sharing your vision with the “wrong” people who can’t relate nor understand what you want to bring into this world (because it’s new and out of their comfort zone) can leave deep scars on you if your excitement was met with non-understanding or even dismissal.

First of all, I want to say, if you are still reading, yes, you ARE different, but that’s perfect because you are here to MAKE a difference; that’s why you have a different approach to things. And it’s even more perfect the mainstream doesn’t get it (yet!) – take it as an indicator that you are on the right path because you are quite a few steps ahead! We are creating a new world, and nothing new comes from repeating the old. So the less people understand you, the more impact you’ll have in creating the new! Isn’t that beautiful? You are a leader. Just think about how many people labelled Steve Jobs weird and odd and didn’t believe in his idea and now look at what he created with Apple…

So back to the fears. Where do they come from, and what does it have to do with your business? So you have probably, at one point in your life, very innocently revealed your most profound dreams and desires to someone (or several people) and not received the feedback you thought you would. You probably got ridiculed for feeling this way, been called a dreamer, naive or just straight-up crazy. Maybe people weren’t as straightforward, but the lack of interest and/or support let you know what they thought of it anyway.

Most probably, a situation like this has occurred in your childhood, and you might or might not remember this scenario consciously. But even if you don’t know it consciously, your body does, your subconscious does. And your subconscious has stored this experience in a box, labelled as painful and unsafe and not to be spoken about ever again, because it wants to protect you from the disappointment and rejection you felt back then. In order to do that, it stops you in your tracks from doing anything that comes close to a similar situation of the said situation in the past – such as putting yourself out there for everybody to see and find you!

The fewer people understand you, the more impact you will have in creating the new.

Fast forward 10, 20, 30 years you are being nudged to make your dreams a reality, to fulfil your soul’s desires. So you sit down, make a plan, know what you want, get started… and – hit a wall. The fear wall. The block your subconscious put in place to make sure you don’t ever have to feel these painful memories again. You procrastinate, find excuses, you find a million reasons to convince yourself why you can’t make it work. Here we are, hitting that invisible fear wall. It’s hard to make a conscious connection between the self-sabotaging behaviour and a painful situation in the past, therefore you project all kinds of “reasonable” reasons onto that wall (which is more like an internal screen in your mind by now): “It’s too complicated, I came into this too late, I’m too old, I’m not intelligent enough, it’s not for me, so many people are doing this already, I don’t have enough experience, nobody needs what I have to offer… etc.

But instead of booking more courses, training and telling yourself all the reasons why you shouldn’t go for your dreams, start working on the root of your fear walls.

Here are some questions for self-reflection

Think back to your childhood,

  • Did it feel safe to talk about your dreams?
  • Does it feel like you have been encouraged and supported in your endeavours?
  • Have you been met with non-judgement towards your beliefs, even if they were a little abstract or visionary or even utopic?
  • Were you appreciated for your opinions?
  • Did you feel like your voice mattered?
  • Was it safe for you to take up space?

Let me tell you another important thing. If you have a talent, a special gift, or feel like something is your calling, but you are afraid it isn’t needed or wanted in this world, let me tell you: that’s not true. You have these gifts for a reason, the reason being that somebody –  or many – need and want exactly what you have to offer!!!

Another lie we are prone to believe is that, well, yes, others may have found their purpose or calling, but that’s for them, certainly not for you. There is a collective belief that only some people are blessed with unique talents. Again, that’s not true; I truly believe that everybody has their own unique thing about them! It’s just about finding out what it is. What comes naturally to you? What do you love to do in your free time? Sometimes it’s so natural to you you don’t even realise its specialness anymore! In my example, I’m hyper empathic, and I feel other people’s feelings and emotions as if they were my own! For three decades of my life, I didn’t realise that a) a lot of these emotions weren’t mine in the first place and b) that I was capable of being so empathic and intuitive. I have been it my whole life, and because I’ve had that since the day I was born, it felt so natural and normal to me that I didn’t realise that it wasn’t like that for other people! So for 30 years, I walked around thinking there was nothing “special” about me until I realised that not everybody had access to this level of empathy.

Here are some questions that can help you identify your unique gifts

  • If you could get paid for ANYthing that you love doing, what would it be?
  • What comes really naturally and easily to you?
  • What do you admire most in other people (you can usually only see in others what you have in you yourself)?
  • What do you envy in other people (envy is nothing other than our own unmet potential that we project onto others)

I hope this article helped you to work with your resistance and find that spark in you again to keep showing up to whatever you are feeling called to create at this time. 

Much love to you fellow soulpreneur & until next time,

Are you ready to bring your marketing to the next level?

If you’ve read until here you’ll probably understand that you’ll never live up to your potential if you don’t do the work of identifying and heal the root cause of what is truly holding you back and sabotaging your marketing efforts.

A Holistic Look At Your Marketing
Are you ready to take a holistic look at your business and discover the hidden blocks that have nothing to do with your marketing efforts but everything with your internal fear of being seen?

1 to 1 Work
In my 1:1 work with clients I do not only support with marketing, but also help them identify what’s holding them back from showing up as their authentic self. I’ll teach them how I overcame my own fear of being seen and started to reach and attract my soul clients. 

Ready For Support?
If you are ready to take your marketing to the next level and do the internal work that’s needed for your marketing to be truly authentic and attract your people, book your free (and no strings attached!) discovery call with me where we can discuss how I can help you. 🙂

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